About Me

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I am a special education teacher in England, working in a mainstream academy with a centre for children with learning difficulties. I teach a class of 7 students of secondary age with profound and multiple learning difficulties. These include autism, visual impairment and sensory integration disorder. I love love love my job. It inspires ,enthuses .and lifts me and I never intend to retire. :)

Saturday, 20 February 2010

How honest should we be?

When I was a child I lied all the time for a variety of reasons: to get out of trouble, obviously;to fit in with my peers as I was concerned I didn't belong; to make myself more interesting and a whole lot of others. As the years went by it became second nature to me until I almost stopped noticing myself doing it.
The end to this bad habit came far to late when I was 19 and on retreat. As I presented myself to God, alone in my room, and asked Him what He wanted from me He said " You've got to stop lying Elaine" Total shock! I wasn't thinking about my lying and in fact as I said I wasn't really aware of it, as it had become second nature. This was the most clear dramatic message from God I'd ever had. No audible voice but a very definite awareness in my mind .

Well obviously, If the Almighty God tells you to stop lying you make every effort to obey Him . I became and still am scrupulous in my avoidance of deceit.If as I occasionally did,I failed I felt guilty until I had put it right.

Recently I have been thinking about what honesty actually means and if its always right and good. For instance I don't tell people they're ugly, or that they're hopeless at the job they do. I don't call a spade a shit shovel as they say in Yorkshire. Gentleness and courtesy go a long way to building relationships and trust. I believe you need to earn the right to tell the whole truth in love. When I was a student it was common for members of the christian fellowship to say "In love sister ......." I you knew that what followed would not be pleasant Honesty should never be used as an excuse to have a go at someone you don't like or who irritates you.
I once lived with someone who was very difficult to live with. I had asked for prayer about this from my vicar and his wife. Now the vicar had a terrible memory and asked my flat mate weeks later if things were better at home and if we were getting on! I was furious ! If I had been honest with him there and then I may have said things I regretted and made everything worse. I waited till I'd calmed down and then went to see him. I asked him if I could trust him in future to be confidential and how he could guarantee that it wouldn't happen again. Those things needed saying but not in anger.Another example of honesty under the right conditions is when a relationship is broken through misunderstanding or hurt. How many times do we just say nothing and the rift gets bigger and bigger until there seems theres no chance of recapturing the bond that once was. Far better to sit down and explain how you're feeling without attacking, and work it out. I have done it many times and it always works . Relationships are more important than pride, being right or losing face.

A completely different aspect to honesty is openness. Not hiding behind an image, not trying to appear what you're not , being true to yourself and believing you're lovable as you are. This is something that might come with maturity as it did in my case . When young I desperately wanted to appear, cool, popular etc, a bit later I wanted to appear spiritual , intelligent and sexy lol I'm sure I failed miserably at both images and suffered stress at the immense struggle to maintain them. Now I'm just me , take it or leave it! I am loved by God and my friends so that's more than enough for me and the freedom is so refreshing!

In conclusion, honesty is a good thing IF used wisely and with discernment . What are your motives for saying things , are they loving and constructive and do they advance Gods kingdom or your own,? This sermon was to me by the way but if you found it interesting that's an added bonus.:)

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Letter to my teenage self

Dear Elaine,
There are many things that it would help you immensely to know here at the beginning of your adult life; invaluable lessons that I can give you which will save you much heartache and encourage you to be the best you can be.
Firstly, you are lucky. Your parents love you, you have great holidays with your aunt and you know God and His love for you. These are not gifts to be taken lightly. Please don't complain about your mother or your childhood and only see the negative things , you are LOVED thats worth a lot Learn to be grateful for life.
There are awful things that all of us go through during the course of life,and at the moment hurt or pain can almost make you want to die. You are a Strong person Elaine . You will find there is nothing in life that you cannot deal with with the Lords help. Not death, divorce, illness and worse . You are a fighter , and you will learn from everything,so that as you bounce back you can be thankful for all things that made you the person you are .
While I'm building you up you are also NOT ugly.You actually scubb up rather well :) Some people grow into being happy with their looks and thats you. However you have a figure to die for , I wish you could realise that while its still true.
You are a deeply compassionate person Elaine, some would say soft and a pushover. I don't think that. God gave you that compassion and the tendancy to trust people, even after being hurt over and over. Don't lose that part of you, and don't become hard. If you do you won't be the same loveable self ok
There are several things God has needed to say over and over throughout my life. If I impress on you their importance maybe it won't take so long for you to learn them. "Seek first Gods kingdom and His rightousness " This is the best way to live your life and the times you feel utterly at peace, and totally happy will be when you're doing this. Make this your goal in life and you will be blessed." remain in the vine and you will bear fruit" You cannot survive, learn and grow without spending plenty of time with God. I would go so far as to say you can't even be happy.

Now this is important Elaine.Try not to spend your life being what others want you to be . Don't hide parts of your personality to fit in with the crowd, please your partner or maintain an image. Ok you're a nutter, so BE a nutter as well as you can.Why make yourself grey or beige when you can be all the colours of the rainbow. When you are older you'll realise theres no need to be normal for people to like you.

You so desperately want people to like you don't you? You want everyone to love you and admire you. You want to be cool and popular and are so desperate you probably push others away. Let me tell you, you are never going to get everyone to love you. No one can. But it really doesn't matter! You will always have a small group of friends who love you to bits and so stuff the ones who don"t. Don't be nasty to them but don't get upset . Spent time with people who make you laugh and happy.
Lastly,I'm tempted to say you should never get married But no, I can't: cos then you wouldn't give birth to 2 beautiful charming girls , neither will you learn you can be a great mum even by yourself, or that God triumphs in adversity and nothing will thwart His plan for you.
Believe in yourself,and in Gods love and you'll be fine

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

A hairy Story

A little while ago I noticed someone on my facebook friends list who I didn't recognise. Now I know all my friends, where they came from and how I met them and have talked to all at least once so this was a little disturbing. On investigating his profile I discovered he had been to Hairmixer.com and covered his bald head with a series of different hairstyles. I DID know him, I just hadn't recognised who he was. Panic over
Of course, I just had to have a go myself and here are the results.lol

Can you spot Scary mumsie , scary Granny, and just plain Scary!

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

what would Freud say?

I am always amazed by people who say they don't dream. Every day I wake up remembering some bizarre dream I'm had , if only for a few minutes although often my dreams become a permanent memory.

Just lately I've been dreaming I was pregnant a lot. Different dreams , different people but always pregnant . Well a few days ago I had the baby ! The father was my first boyfriend from over 20 years ago and our child didn't come from inside me, but from inside a chicken which was inside another, bigger chicken. The chickens were plucked ready for cooking, no head , and I pulled the baby from inside, myself.The baby was a wooden peg with bits of wire for hair but despite this we cooed over it affectionately as if it was just what we expected!!

My dreams have often had themes, like recurring dreams but just the theme is recurring , with a different scenario for each one . For example I dreamt I was naked in public throughout my teenage years and early 20s: once in Marks and Spencer, once in front of the class I was teaching,etc That is supposed to mean there is a part of your character you are scared of people discovering . Well obviously it was dealt with as I then had a year or so of dreaming I was naked in public but really didn't give a damn. :)I also dreamt many times of living in a dictatorship system where if I didn't obey I would be punished or killed. I think I had a controlling boyfriend at the time.Another recurring theme is of being unprepared . Many times I have dreamt I'm back at university , having to take my degree again and have NO HOPE of completing the course. In real life I will be slightly anxious about something I should be prepared for

The most dramatic example of my dream and real life merging was after my first wedding. The marriage was annulled . For a long time I dreamt I was once more before the altar, in my wedding dress, about to say "I will" whilst knowing I really didn't want to. Over and over again I woke in a panic that turned into relief when I realised it wasn't real. Eventually in one dream my ex was asking me to marry him and I was about to say yes , with the familiar feeling of foreboding , when in the dream I thought "I don't have to do this,I'm in love with someone else now" So I finished with my ex in that dream and never had a similar dream again!!

There is a whole separate world in my dreams that although it doesn't exist in real life I remember and revisit in different dreams . I could even draw a map! One part has a school at the top of a big hill and several bus routes down the hill or to other places . One of those bus routes took me to a christian community and church I had visited in other dreams , and a little further to a city centre, with restaurants I had frequented in yet more different dreams

On a lighter note not all my dreams are meaningful in anyway . Check out the following bizarre and hilarious examples

In a pub with my parents , eating banana flavored rubber gloves for lunch

Some friends of mine had shrunk to a tiny size and my mission was to get them back to their proper size and in the process to protect them from their Dad who was angry with them

Taking communion in a church and the bread turned out to be sausages[ that particular one inspired the title "what would Freud say?"]

my mum was the queen of England's very close friend and had been given the keys to her car

I was feeding children into a machine on a conveyor belt and was trying not to mangle them, but sometimes thay came out as metal objects and I had to explain to their parents

So , after this glimpse into my weird and scary mind , is anyone brave enough to comment ? Perhaps a psychiatrist would like to diagnose me LOL

Til next time