There are many things that it would help you immensely to know here at the beginning of your adult life; invaluable lessons that I can give you which will save you much heartache and encourage you to be the best you can be.
Firstly, you are lucky. Your parents love you, you have great holidays with your aunt and you know God and His love for you. These are not gifts to be taken lightly. Please don't complain about your mother or your childhood and only see the negative things , you are LOVED thats worth a lot Learn to be grateful for life.
There are awful things that all of us go through during the course of life,and at the moment hurt or pain can almost make you want to die. You are a Strong person Elaine . You will find there is nothing in life that you cannot deal with with the Lords help. Not death, divorce, illness and worse . You are a fighter , and you will learn from everything,so that as you bounce back you can be thankful for all things that made you the person you are .
While I'm building you up you are also NOT ugly.You actually scubb up rather well :) Some people grow into being happy with their looks and thats you. However you have a figure to die for , I wish you could realise that while its still true.
You are a deeply compassionate person Elaine, some would say soft and a pushover. I don't think that. God gave you that compassion and the tendancy to trust people, even after being hurt over and over. Don't lose that part of you, and don't become hard. If you do you won't be the same loveable self ok
There are several things God has needed to say over and over throughout my life. If I impress on you their importance maybe it won't take so long for you to learn them. "Seek first Gods kingdom and His rightousness " This is the best way to live your life and the times you feel utterly at peace, and totally happy will be when you're doing this. Make this your goal in life and you will be blessed." remain in the vine and you will bear fruit" You cannot survive, learn and grow without spending plenty of time with God. I would go so far as to say you can't even be happy.
Now this is important Elaine.Try not to spend your life being what others want you to be . Don't hide parts of your personality to fit in with the crowd, please your partner or maintain an image. Ok you're a nutter, so BE a nutter as well as you can.Why make yourself grey or beige when you can be all the colours of the rainbow. When you are older you'll realise theres no need to be normal for people to like you.
You so desperately want people to like you don't you? You want everyone to love you and admire you. You want to be cool and popular and are so desperate you probably push others away. Let me tell you, you are never going to get everyone to love you. No one can. But it really doesn't matter! You will always have a small group of friends who love you to bits and so stuff the ones who don"t. Don't be nasty to them but don't get upset . Spent time with people who make you laugh and happy.
Lastly,I'm tempted to say you should never get married But no, I can't: cos then you wouldn't give birth to 2 beautiful charming girls , neither will you learn you can be a great mum even by yourself, or that God triumphs in adversity and nothing will thwart His plan for you.
Believe in yourself,and in Gods love and you'll be fine